A Moment at Sully’s Rock ~ 09.09.2014

Light & Sound

Dance on water

Large Stones remember

Tall Trees protect

Hawks Speak wisdom

In this Cathedral of nature

In this Present moment,

We are Thankful for Sullivan

Just the boys (from 10.2011; rewritten 2014)

Just the boys

In late August 2002, after a vacation on Cape Cod, Jessica & I decided that I would take the boys (Sullivan, 12; Julian, 9) in my car, making the drive home to Pennsylvania a two-day adventure.

We made stops along the way: the Submarine base in New London, a ferryboat ride to a remote island, late night pizza and movie at a motel, a busy diner breakfast counter, and a picture of them arm-in-arm in front of the restored Dexter Grist Mill (built in 1622 by our first relative in America, and the first grist mill in America). On the open road, we blasted music with the windows down, laughing and joking, experiencing each moment together. I was rediscovering the natural happiness and in-the-moment life bubbling within my two sons.

After the 2010 premature death of Sullivan, I value family time and cherish each moment even more. I rediscovered the picture of my boys at the mill, smiling back at me, no cares of the day, no worries for tomorrow; the laughter of my young sons again came echoing through my heart.

Heart Of Gold

Heart of Gold

For Sullivan’s 23^rd birthday

 

Early Morning, before sunlight,

Opening my eyes,

Captured by your watercolor image;

Quiet and focused,

Gentle and loving,

Warm eyes gazing back at me;

Now I see your heart of gold

 

In your tie-dyed shirt,

Swirling with the colors of light.

Arms draped over legs,

Never giving up, never getting old,

Genuine colors forever bright;

I see you protected by your heart of gold.

 

My heart is on a journey to feel everything about you.

I hike to your rock,

I stand quietly in your room

I travel to the persimmon tree planted in your honor,

I search every picture for your smile,

You speak softly to my memory;

I hear your heart of gold.

 

Love and trust freely given to all,

From new moon to full moon,

Eyes shining through earthly darkness,

I feel your heart of gold.

 

Tie-dyed shirt, a swirling river,

Multicolors of flowing happiness,

Surrounding and protecting pure memories of genuine love;

Always and forever,

I remember your heart of gold.

“You” by Sullivan Burd

Sullivan James Burd – February 28, 1990 to September 9, 2010

“Something you can’t see, explained without words,

hidden with in your head,

Explained only once but ringing, on and on for eternity.

You have awakened to a state more absolute but a state less tangible,

And in this spiraling vortex you lose grasp of your senses as they diffuse into this new felt chaos.” You, a poem by Sullivan Burd

You are forever in our hearts,

You are, forever “Sully”

21st Birthday – 02.28.2011

I remember the day you were born, Sullivan, 21 years ago today. Driving to Emmaus with your mom and Mariana, arriving at the midwife’s office, and being up all night. Seeing you for the first time – I was so happy and scared at the same time. You weighed 7#11oz. – and 7-11 became one of your favorite stops. We took you home, our little bundle of energy.

Your energy and open personality were the first gifts you gave to me. Today, I will smoke the cigar you gave me last year on my birthday. This is not the last gift you gave me, as your words and the example of living honestly keep giving me more and more. I am looking for answers to the questions that continuously swirl through my mind. “What ifs” badger me as your sweet smile comforts me, knowing that you are at peace.

“You take a walk in my mind. You say I’m not there but I’m dreaming of all that’s to become…The riddle of the mind will be just” from “Minds Riddle”, words & music by Sullivan Burd

 

Memory of long brown hair

In a dust cloud of memory I see you, my son

Shrouded in the haze of passing days

Standing alone in your moment, facing our present reality

You are now ageless and timeless,

preserved in a dream of late summer

Your sandals are worn out but your journey is new.

On wings of a speckled hawk, you have flown from us,

Leaving behind your words in our heart, your voice in our ears, a feather on the ground

and the memory of long brown hair on our neck.

Destination of Fulfillment

December 25, 2010 (read to friends when visiting Sully’s Rock)

Sully, my oldest son, my sensitive one,

I cannot think of you as gone, or sleeping.

I think of you as traveling, on the move,

seeing new places, gathering new friends.

From an early age, you were on the move,

Always exploring,

Never arriving.

I wish for you the journey of discovery

And a destination of fulfillment

Sully, you have arrived,

I will miss you!

Signs of Sullivan

December 7, 2010

Please, Keep giving me signs that you know that I love you,
That I know you are ok,
Keep your spirit at peace;
God has spoken to me through the simplicity of your life.
Let the signs of Sullivan in nature float in front of my eyes
on wings of hawks and edges of snowflakes.
I need your soothing voice to warm me, I need your caring touch to sooth me,I need your honest mind to focus me,I need your reassuring look and happy smile to know that no trouble in this world really matters.
Come to me with your true hug, filled with love at the end of the day,
let me know everything will be ok.

Remind me of you, today, Sully,The true spirit of you that I know will never die.
I know with all my heart, your spirit will live forever, where you left it — in all of us.

Two months ago

November 10, 2010

Today, I hear the cry of the hawk again in the distance, farther away from where he was before. I was sad that I may not hear it until Spring.

Sullivan, this is the morning, 2 months ago that I found you on your rock.

The future grieves over the ashes of Sullivan, knowing the potential it has lost.
The present is happy for the positive lessons of friendship and giving he left for us today. History smiles on the milestones of spiritual connectedness that he achieved in his 20 years.

Sullivan, I cry for you every day. The vision of you riding your bike down the road to the park for the last time is burned in my memory. I miss you terribly.

Lonesome cry of a hawk ~ for Sullivan

Today, this morning, I hear the lonesome cry of a hawk in the autumn-draped trees behind our house; each morning, he cries, and I believe it’s for you. I first heard him the day we lost you, Sully.  When we celebrated your life in that beautiful field in Tinicum, a hawk circled above us. When I left that field, I found a hawk’s feather on the ground, so I took it to the rock where I found you.

One month ago, on this morning, you left us. Each morning I cry for you. I miss you, Sully, my beautiful and sensitive son.